By Victoria Tillson Evans, Ph.D.
While schools have closed and parents scramble to find ways to juggle all of their new responsibilities as most support networks disappear, I’ve watched several students enter a free fall in which they can’t tell left from right, nor up from down. It is a natural reaction, a form of grieving if you will. So many of you don’t know what to do other than let yourself go, because you feel like you’ve got nothing to hold onto.
What most of you have to realize is that you already have within you the means to slow your fall. Some of you are completing online college courses in the span of a week, building robots mailed to you by a local company, or writing a multitude of poems for future publication. Some of you, however, are not ready yet to tap into your internal resources. Your heads are foggy from all of the rapid changes, and that’s okay! Sometimes the best first reaction is to self-soothe with baking, organizing closets, streaming movies, or playing video games before trying to rebalance. After all, it’s like when Alice walked through the looking glass. The world has turned upside down.
Grab Your Umbrella
For those of you who are in a free-fall, when you’re ready, just like Alice, open your umbrella. Your fall down the rabbit hole won’t last forever, and you will eventually have to turn yourself right side up.
Once you’re right side up, if you don’t know what to do next, start by making your bed. It’s a small accomplishment that will encourage you to make several other accomplishments throughout the day. If opening your umbrella is all you can accomplish today, then so be it. Tomorrow, open your umbrella, make your bed, and do one more thing. And the day after that, open your umbrella and make your bed again, and do two more things.
Every morning, I “open my umbrella” by going for a 5:00 AM walk. Admittedly, it’s insanely hard some days to pull myself out of bed, especially when it’s cold, wet, and dark outside; but I know that if I don’t go for my morning walk, I will likely not get in exercise for the rest of the day. I will get restless, jittery, and cranky, and I’ll be unproductive at work. So, I make sure I get up, no matter how hard it is. My walks are quiet. I always leave my phone at home. I use this time to think and be.
You can, of course, pick your umbrella-opening activity each morning. Just pick something that will help you see the world clearly once again.
The Power of Structure
Then, once you can see the world clearly, you’ll see the pieces of your former life’s structure around you and you’ll be ready to reassemble them. They don’t have to go back in the order that they once were, but the pieces should help you figure out where to start. It’s like when you accidentally drop a finished Lego set after throwing away the manual. Sure you can download the guide again and figure out where all of the pieces go; but if some of the pieces have disappeared down the air conditioning vent, you might have to use your imagination and see what else you can create!
Whether it’s a vision board, a checklist, or a schedule, rebuild your days by externalizing what you want to accomplish. Your goals do not have to be the same from day to day, but they do need to keep you busy, and focused on both the big and small. You’ll find that as you give yourself more to do, the more productive and less anxious you become.
Create Accountability
Now, for some of you, your ability to achieve your goals will ultimately hinge on how accountable you make yourself to others. That’s okay! Include others (either online or within your immediate family) in your plans and set goals for each meeting. If you promise to get a certain part of your assignment done in time for your meeting, be it a study group with classmates, a weekly music lesson, or a bi-weekly ACT tutoring session, you’re already helping yourself. And don’t forget that accountability is a two way street – you should make sure that you offer your support to others, too.
As you land gently on the ground with your umbrella in hand, remember to be forgiving to yourself and others when even more new, unexpected challenges appear. If you can’t accomplish what you set out to do today, because you’re worried about what the future holds or stressed by all of the changes you see happening around you, so be it. Close your eyes and breathe. The world will still be there tomorrow when you’re ready to try again.
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