Distinctive

By Adrian Cho, Ph.D.

“Dear applicant,

Thank you very much for your interest. We regret to inform you….”

No need to even finish reading the email–you already know it’s a rejection. Your heart plummets and the months of anxious anticipation dissolve instantly. Disappointment, sadness, maybe even anger and resentment soon follow.

This experience is pretty much unavoidable. Regardless of academic accolades and extracurriculars (yes, even when you have 4.0+ GPA and 1550+ on the SAT), students will receive letters like this from many of the selective schools on their list. The college application process has only grown increasingly competitive over the years with more students applying to more colleges in an environment where the supply of available spots at institutions has not kept pace. Just as an example to put things in perspective, The University of Texas at Austin has received over 90,000 applications this application cycle – an increase of more than 24% from the previous year. UT Austin matriculated just about 9,000 freshmen last year, which is unlikely to expand by 24% this year to match the surge in applications.

Statistics and context are well and good, but they don’t erase the very real and painful emotions that can follow such a rejection. Coupled with natural comparisons to how your fellow peers made it out, you can face a multitude of difficult feelings to process. When so much (seemingly) rides on this one decision in your life, it’s absolutely understandable to feel confused and overwhelmed as you try to figure out what the rejection means and how it will affect your future. You might wonder: Could I have done something better somehow? Did all my hard work even amount to anything?

This reaction is perfectly normal. Every year, tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of students like you confront difficult news and have to reckon with what it means. It is okay and important to take the time to feel upset and grieve the loss of what you dreamed of and what could have been. However, just as when you wrote your personal statement, you can take charge of your narrative and continue building toward your best future in the face of unwanted results.

Reframing rejection

You may have heard this one before, but it bears repeating here too: The college you attend has no bearing on your worth. Remember the fact that colleges hardly know anything about you. Of course, we endeavor to convey as much relevant information as efficiently as possible to colleges, and many admissions officers do sincerely want to get to know you. But realistic constraints on time and resources mean that even the best-intentioned admissions officers are only able to glimpse a tiny slice of your life and you as a person.

You should know, too, that most colleges try to make their entering classes balanced and diverse. Maybe you are a robotics whiz at your high school but your dream college just had one too many future star engineers apply. Maybe you are a stellar debater and multiple Model United Nations (MUN) Best Delegate winner, but your college just had too many MUN standouts when they needed a violinist. Maybe you are a top student at a highly competitive high school in California, but the school is looking for someone from a less populous state. These factors can’t be anticipated nor controlled, and to stake all of your self-worth and hopes for the future on such factors would be to gamble precariously.

Practical next steps

So what are you to do when facing rejection from your dream school? Here are some things you can do to move forward. First of all, take a close look at the schools that did accept you. And I mean really look! Often in the disappointment of rejection, it’s easy to overlook the genuinely awesome opportunities at the colleges you were admitted to. Revisit (or visit if you haven’t yet) their campuses. Talk to current students and professors. You might discover aspects of these schools that truly excite you and align with your goals.

If you got on waitlists of your preferred schools, pursue them proactively. Confirm your place on the waitlist, and send a brief, enthusiastic letter reaffirming your interest and updating the school on your recent achievements. If you feel very strongly about your dream school, consider the route of transferring. Many students successfully transfer after a year or two at another institution. You might also think about taking a gap year, which can help you gain experience, clarify goals, and strengthen future applications. The documented benefits of taking a gap year should be given thought.

College is not the ultimate destination but a 4-year stop in your longer life journey. Research consistently shows that students can thrive and achieve remarkable success regardless of what institutions they attend (see Frank Bruni’s book on the matter). Of course, it’s a significant chapter in your life, but by focusing on why you really want to go to college and making that your emphasis, you will be able to pursue opportunities that align with your life’s goals and values, no matter where you land.

Finding success beyond rejection

Stories of famous, successful individuals who were rejected from their dream schools abound. Steven Spielberg was rejected from University of Southern California’s film school. Obama didn’t get into Swarthmore. Ultimately, everyone – and I mean EVERYONE, including your friend with an apparently picture-perfect life on Instagram – faces many rejections in life, be they professional, personal, or in relationships. Personally, I’m no stranger to rejections, failures, and disappointments either. True, it hurts and it sucks. There’s no getting around that. But it’s also true that you can recover and go beyond. Rejections don’t define people’s futures, and they won’t define yours either. What truly matters is what you make of the opportunities that you do have to create a fulfilling and meaningful life.